Personal Details on Blog
I have really been considering posting stuff like my current location and hometown where most of my family lives. If I lived in the SLC area or similar area of high Mormon concentration I probably would have done it already. I am on the outer edges of the Book of Mormon belt so location could cause me to be identified more easily which has many potential pros and cons. I feel like I really need to talk to people and maybe someone who reads my blog lives near me but doesn't know it. Any suggestions? Things I should consider before doing this?
Can I live the rest of my life as a gay man married to a woman or do I need to reroute my life? I feel like I am in a time crunch to figure this out (which in the past had led to feelings of pressure, anxiety, and worse). Some of this is in my head, but there is some verifiable reality to it. I know that my wife is ready to know, once and for all, should she plan on living the rest of her life with me or should she start making plans to move on. I can't blame her. If I had a definitive answer I would have told her by now. How do I come to a conclusion? Studying out both sides, praying, asking others, none of it seems to provide me any real solace. How do I come to solutions that I won't regret for the rest of my life? Any advice?
I found this idea on a MoHo blog that is no longer updated. The author was contemplating putting up a personal ad that reads as follows:
MGMM&W (married gay mormon male & wife) seeking same for friendship and mutual support.
While kind of funny, I think that this is one thing that my wife and I could really use right now - some real people who don't have to just pretend to put themselves in our shoes. Would such an ad on craigslist (are there other places this might be appropriate?) be advisable? Has anyone ever tried something like this? How else could we go about finding people in the same situation?
The Other Side of the Argument
I am really trying to study this out before I make a final decision about my marriage. I have been somewhat suspicious of Northstar and just found their sister site voice(s) of hope. While Ty Mansfield seems like a nice enough guy, I wonder how much having to back an organization that is so tied to his personal situation affects his ability to think clearly. Does anybody have real experience with these or similar sites? Are these just guys who have repressed themselves long enough to write articles and create videos but will find themselves abandoning their wives and children in a few years?
Non-sexual need fulfillment
Is there any evidence anywhere that I can create fulfilling male relationships that will fill some my emptiness without it necessarily being sexual in nature? I think I can survive the rest of my life without a homosexual relationship but I know I cannot survive without more fulfilling homosocial/emotional interactions. Any advice there?
Thanks in advance to anyone who has more experience or resources with any of these issues.