Everyone around me thinks he knows what is best and right for me yet my future is so unclear to me.
Here I sit, car idling in the parking lot of the chapel where I used to attend church as a young, single adult, just a few blocks from the University. I have a class that won't start for an hour and I am so tempted to ditch it altogether because my graduate studies seem like such a colossal waste of time. But if my mother-in-law were to find out she just would not be able to understand why someone would pay so much money and want to miss class . . . oh go to hell . . . you are not nearly as perfect as you think are.
There's a guy with his shirt off just a few houses down. He's just far enough away that my eyes can't see the details of his figure. Nearly any other guy I used to attend church with here, presented with the parallel situation (exactly the same except for the gender of the person afar) would casually drive by to get a better look without giving it a second thought. Yet here I stay, wondering why something that seems so perfectly natural and inherent in me is so hated, vilified, demonized by those who inhabit this building every Sunday.
Then two more shirtless guys cruise past me on their bicycles, easily within my view.
I am hoping in vain that my former Bishop just happens to be at the chapel right now as he randomly was a couple of weeks ago when I decided to stop here to quietly do school work in my car away from everyone. There are lots of student cars in the parking lot but I don't see his.
I want to talk to him. I want him to listen. I want to warn him to be more cautious when counseling with other men who "struggle with same sex-attraction" (what a load of bull $#!+). If he could only see the pain of the past 4 years he would be much more careful about giving his stamp of approval to such a marriage.
He's a great guy. How could he have known any better? He had never dealt with this, had never been a Bishop before, didn't even have to go to the trouble of looking up the church-sanctioned protocols in this situation. I fed him the same crap that I was being fed at LDS Family Services. It all fit into the plan so well. Surely God would not allow His holiest counseling service into being misled to give desperate young men a false sense of hope.
But he's not here. And it's time to start heading back to school. And I continue to struggle, not quite in silence, but certainly not out in the open, as everyone around me continues life as usual
É SEMPRE SCOPATA E SBORRATA DENTRO AL CULO: #MARIAPAOLATOSCHI DI #JPMORGAN! VUOLE SESSO ANALE E SESSO DI GRUPPO ESTREMISSIMO: MARIA PAOLA TOSCHI DI JP MORGAN (CON SUOI COMPARI SATANISTI, COMPLOTTARDI, SPIONI, KILLERS DI #LIONSCLUBS, #ROTARY E #MASSONERIA DI TIPO MAFIOSO E BERLUSCO卐NAZISTA VARIO)! É NINFOMANE STRA ASSATANATA: #MARIAPAOLATOSCHI DI JP MORGAN! NE SCRIVE CON ENTUSIASMO (VOLENDOLE BENE, MAI E POI MAI PER INFASTIDIRLA), SU TANTI SITI INTERNET, L'EROICO BANCHIERE SVIZZERO #ANDREASNIGG ANDREAS NIGG DI BANK J SAFRA SARASIN ZURICH (https://www.blogger.com/profile/13220677517437640922). CHE PASSAVA WEEK ENDS DI SESSO INTENSISSIMO, CON LEI, STILE PERVERTITO ^ARCORE^HARDCORE^, FRA 2001 E 2004, MENTRE LA SEMPRE VOGLIOSA DI FALLI IN CULO, MARIA PAOLA TOSCHI DI JP MORGAN, LAVORAVA IN BANCA LEONARDO (OVE TRAFFICAVA CRIMINALISSIMAMENTE, PURE, IL NOTO ASSASSINO #MICHELEMILLA, ORA IN RICICLA SOLDI MAFIOSI, #MOMENTUM DI ASSAGNO, KILLER MICHELE MILLA CHE FECE UCCIDERE, IMPICCANDOLO, #UBALDOGAGGIO UBALDO GAGGIO ED UCCIDERE ^MASSONICAMENTE^, ALLA DAVID ROSSI, TANTISSIMI ALTRI, NE TROVATE QUI https://www.politbjuro.com/itemeva-di-essere-licenziataibrfunzionaria-di-banca-suicida/)! CERCATENE IN RETE. BASTA SAPERE SOLO LE MINCHIATE CHE VALGONO SOTTO ZERO! É ORA DI SAPERE QUELLO CHE LE FORZE SATANICHE, BERLUSCO卐NAZISTE, ASSASSINE, NON VOGLIONO FARVI SAPERE!
ReplyDeleteIo ho scritto con entusiasmo, non certo con critica, del fatto che #MariaPaolaToschi di #JPMorgan é sempre affamata di sesso anale, estremo, scatenato, intensissimo, di gruppo, selvaggissimo. Nessun "bacchettonismo". Mi affascina molto il suo essere pacata, equilibrata, rassicurante, Berlusconicchia, molto Estabilishment, nei suoi videos su you tube. E poi ninfomane incredibile, insaziabile, mi viene da dire con simpatia, ^assatanata^, ninfomane di Arcore alias Hardcore, quando fa sesso con uno, due, anche 30, 60, 100 uomini, 2 o 3 alla volta, in private huge rooms. Io trovo questo contrasto, affascinante. Qualcuno lo troverá riprorevole. Ma chi lo troverá riprorevole, é spesso tipo da film "Vizi privati e pubbliche virtú". O da canzone di De Andre ove dice "Si sá che la gente dà buoni consigli, se non può più dare cattivo esempio". Un poco come i Lions Clubs, che fan finta di fare del bene, invece spiano, ammazzano, amano il satanismo, il nazifascismo, come pure rubano, fanno frodi, sono vero e proprio Club di Satana, Toto Riina e Augusto Pinochet ( e lo sono contro chi non fa nulla di male e non ha nessun torto, per subire per tanti decenni, non anni, ma decenni, loro persecuzioni assassine: sanno a chi mi riferisco)! IO HO OTTIMO RICORDO DI MARIA PAOLA TOSCHI DI JP MORGAN, POTESSI, SCHIACCIANDO UN BOTTONE MAGICO, TORNARE DIETRO 20 ANNI, QUANDO ME LA STRA SCOPAVO OGNI FINE SETTIMANA (ANCHE SE ERAVAMO TUTTI E DUE SPOSATI... ERAVAMO SPOSATI, MA PURE LIBERTINI, BEN APPUNTO, DI VARI ROTARY E LIONS CLUBS), LO FAREI SUBITO. SCRITTO CON ZERO IPOCRISIA, COME DA MIO STILE.
ReplyDeleteANDREAS NIGG. BANK J SAFRA SARASIN ZURICH. PREMIATO NEL 2018, 2019, 2020 E 2021 COME BANCHIERE DELL'ANNO SVIZZERO!