Would You hate me if I loved a man instead of a woman? When I come to meet You some day would You be ashamed of me? Would it break Your heart to see me seek out what my heart yearns for?
Surely You know that this is not just some wicked desire born out of lust and hedonism. Surely You know that I did not choose my attractions. Surely You know that I have tried to pray it away, be righteous enough to be worthy of it being taken from me, and tried to do everything in my power to change.
Am I broken and cursed with a pitiable defect? Is self-denial and living a life void of fulfillment my cross to be borne? Is this my way of being tested as Abraham, as I have been led to believe? If so, why does it have to be such a poignant, ever-present trial?
I really am willing to do what You want me to do but I don't know what that is. Men claiming to be inspired have tried to tell me what I must do, but I really need my answers to come from You. Are You there? Do You see how miserable and disillusioned I have become? What would You have me do?
I need Your love. I need Your guidance. I am at a breaking point and don't know what to do.
Awaiting Your guidance,
Blank Slate Hopeful