tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post6172642716349877155..comments2023-05-05T02:09:46.190-07:00Comments on Blank Slate Hopeful: Nature vs NurtureAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14513406609023750407noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-9215971726378482562012-09-02T17:43:52.621-07:002012-09-02T17:43:52.621-07:00Thanks for the links. I enjoyed reading from your...Thanks for the links. I enjoyed reading from your blog! I know it is more than than a love for penises :) That was my weak attempt at a writing device - whatever the opposite of hyperbole is. I think I do have some trouble fully emotionally connecting with my wife as well. Not sure what to do about it. I am trying to hold on to my faith in the church but it has been very difficult in recent years.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14513406609023750407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-23172797144390611192012-09-02T15:19:51.140-07:002012-09-02T15:19:51.140-07:00I don't think that I am at the point of celebr...I don't think that I am at the point of celebrating being different, but thanks for your comments.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14513406609023750407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-19544413761165889972012-09-02T14:59:22.810-07:002012-09-02T14:59:22.810-07:00Anonymous, please do comment on my blog. I will a...Anonymous, please do comment on my blog. I will admit that your comments might not have been received very well by me in the recent past, but at this point I am really interested in just figuring all of this out and welcome comments that make me see things differently.<br /><br />You are right - the "why" really does not matter at all. This post was more an exercise in me telling my story more than an attempt to figure out why I am gay. I listened to all of the second link and the fourth segment of the first link and was joined by my wife for part of it (which lead to a good discussion between us that I have just posted about) and found the info very interesting and compelling. I probably would have even watched Angels in America already if there was a convenient link to it. I have not yet figured out where to find it.<br /><br />Please read my most recent post and let me know if you think we are addressing the things that you seem to be pointing at in your response.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14513406609023750407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-13765777642459123632012-09-02T14:41:54.450-07:002012-09-02T14:41:54.450-07:00Yes I agree. And after reviewing the links that A...Yes I agree. And after reviewing the links that Anonymous left below, maybe those things have absolutely no bearing on the causality of my homosexuality.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14513406609023750407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-63329156393326222352012-09-01T15:05:06.663-07:002012-09-01T15:05:06.663-07:00Thanks for sharing. I had a different childhood a...Thanks for sharing. I had a different childhood and youth. I did not come to the realization I was gay until counseling after my divorce. Even then, it has only been recently that I understood the impact that being gay without realizing it had on my marriage. As much as I loved my ex-wife, I could never fully emotionally connect with her. She did not realize I was gay, either. When I came out to her a few months ago, she was deeply appreciative because now she, too, could understand why we could not make our marriage work in spite of her love for me.<br /><br />It is more than a love for a penis. It is the emotional connection. At least those are my thoughts. <br /><br />If you have time, here are a few of my posts that elaborate on the above items:<br /><br />Did God Make Me Gay? http://www.deanscottwritingandphotography.com/did-god-make-me-gay/<br /><br />My Coming Out Story... http://www.deanscottwritingandphotography.com/my-coming-out-story-as-of-july-16-2012/<br /><br />The Story Behind My Guest Post on "Doves and Serpants"<br />http://www.deanscottwritingandphotography.com/my-guest-post-on-doves-and-serpants/<br /><br />Best wishes, DeanDeanhttp://restlessnoun.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-82496047287119647012012-08-30T09:00:35.301-07:002012-08-30T09:00:35.301-07:00Like the others, growing up it is not much differe...Like the others, growing up it is not much different--we can exchange stories about over-bearing or absent-minded parents and they all end up pretty much in the same place: "doesn't matter how we got there--rather where we are". I also never bought in the entire evergreen mentality that if only I had genuine friendships where I did butch things with other males I could feel more comfortable with myself, it is what it is...<br /><br />I do believe it does help to understand that at least at the time I thought I was the only kid in the world who got excited watching other guys change in the locker room, or that I crushed on that one jock at school--it made a pretty lonely existence, but that's all over and done with, now I celebrate being different and enjoy the parts that once used to make me cringe at the risk of being found... This is a good thing, grow and move along in your journey.<br />Hugs,MiguelMiguelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04203771368783213108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-42166901448475692022012-08-30T05:07:34.814-07:002012-08-30T05:07:34.814-07:00I never comment on these blogs, especially yours b...I never comment on these blogs, especially yours because my advice would probably be counter to what everyone in your life would have you do. And I'm sure that you will probably delete my comments which is fine but I do hope you read them. This post and the few preceeding posts have been kind of heartbreaking to read. You already know the majority of claims made by Evergreen are false and dangerous. Perhaps what is most dangerous is the "hope" they are selling that you can go back in some way and undo whatever wrong was done and make you un-gay. The stereotypes they use for the reasons we turn out gay are also complete bullshit. Millions upon millions of men have overbearing mothers and the only way that would make you gay is if you were already gay. <br /><br />My father is a very kind hearted and strong man, and he rough-housed with me and tickled me all the time growing up. He spent a lot of one on one time with me through childhood all the way until I left for college. He was also very tender with me, and still is, I believe because he had innate knowledge that I was different from my brother. When I was 15 I went into my parents bedroom and told them I was gay, the first thing my father did was to come over and pull me from the floor from where I was sitting into his arms to comfort me. Those are not the actions of a disconnected father...nor did the hugs and extra time with him ever come close to making me straight. <br /><br />In the end the "why" we are gay does not matter as much as accepting that we are gay. The Church and Evergreen would have us spend our whole mortal existence chasing the cause instead of living so we won't actually have to make decisions about our lives. Chasing the cause is nothing more than an institutionalized avoidance! It takes focus away from what is really important.<br /><br />Please listen to: <br /><br />http://mormonstories.org/209-213-dr-william-bradshaw-a-life-of-science-service-and-compassion/<br /><br />http://mormonstories.org/byu-professor-bill-bradshaw-on-a-biological-origin-of-homosexuality/<br /><br />One last thing, if you have not watched Angels in America I think you should watch that mini-series just for an example of the marriage relationship between the gay mormon charachter and his wife. The wife spends her days in depression and valium filled haze, because instinctively she knows something is wrong and can't face the truth. Once she realizes that being married to the gay guy is what is making her crazy, insecure, and depressed she begins to make choices to make herself happy. Staying in a marriage because you feel you have to do so will not work long term. Staying in a marriage where you are afraid to make choices will only waste time and in the long run it will not work. If you can't be there 100% for your wife then you are doing her more harm by staying than you will do by leaving. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-7935158564925659562012-08-29T15:20:05.057-07:002012-08-29T15:20:05.057-07:00Duck,
Thanks for your insights, continued readersh...Duck,<br />Thanks for your insights, continued readership, and kind words! You are right. It does not matter why. In the beginning I really needed something I could blame it on. For that reason, it was very useful for me to start examining things through the lens of Evergreen's reparative therapy workbook. It pointed out things that I could blame it on and gave me (false) hope that I could change it. The workbook kept me from completely falling apart in the beginning but required that I come out to myself twice - on two different levels. My first coming out to myself was acknowledgment of a disease called "SSA." It was not until after I got married that I saw that I was plain, ol' gay and that there is not anything I can do to change it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14513406609023750407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-25476191583535483902012-08-29T07:23:36.409-07:002012-08-29T07:23:36.409-07:00Your story, though uniquely yours, is not unique. ...Your story, though uniquely yours, is not unique. We share multiple similarities in our early childhood development, as we probably do with most of this reading audience. <br /><br />This exercise is good to get it down, to think about it some, but like Duck said, to then move on with the "now what?" forward probing questions of where do you go from here.Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4930438931318546676.post-61389903924189805672012-08-28T21:26:36.964-07:002012-08-28T21:26:36.964-07:00I can relate to many aspects of your blog post, ex...I can relate to many aspects of your blog post, except I am a gay woman and you are a gay man. But, change the appropriate body parts or pronouns, and our stories are eerily similar.<br /><br />I used to spend agonizing hours wondering what had caused me to be gay: the sexual abuse, needing and wanting to be protected by someone, having emotionally distant parents, etc. etc. I finally came to the conclusion that, short of driving myself nuts in trying to answer this question, I was never going to REALLY know. So, why would I worry about it? (This after, like I said, COUNTLESS hours thinking about worrying about it.)<br /><br />My thought then became, "Doesn't matter why I am gay. I am. SO, now what? What am I going to do with it or about it?" THOSE became the earth-shattering questions and path for me.<br /><br />I enjoy your writing. You are a very thoughtful and smart young man. (In comparison to my being 198, you, in your mid 20's?, are a very YOUNG man. LOL) I was too naive at your age to have the myriads of things figured out that you do. I applaud you on your self knowledge.<br /><br />Happy night! DuckDuckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02551782459346523291noreply@blogger.com